We’re going to take a little more thoughtful and serious turn for this post because this has been on my mind for some time.
At first thought, the hockey parent’s role seems pretty simple, right? You schlep your player to and from practice, you’re rink side for games, you make sure their water bottle is full, and that they packed their gear. However, being a hockey parent is so much more than those duties.
It’s Hard Being Stuck in the Bleachers
Every hockey parent has been here: You’re sitting in the bleachers during a game and it’s time for your son or daughter’s shift on the ice. You’re kid makes a mistake and the other team gets a goal. You become very aware of the other parents grumbling and you feel awful. You feel awful for your son or daughter because you know they only have a split second to make a decision on the ice and they are most definitely beating themselves up about it and second guessing themselves.
And there is nothing you can do to help them in that moment. It sucks.
It can be hard to know how to react in those situations and be so easy to get caught up the emotions of the game. This can lead to parents coaching their kids from the sidelines. Yelling at them to skate harder, get the puck, etc, etc.
Don’t be that parent. Let’s all take a collective breath in and out and remember that our kids are playing for fun. Nobody’s career is on the line, so let’s all just chill a bit.
Be Their Biggest Cheerleader
While it’s hard to see your kid fail, failure is a part of the game and a part of life. We are going to fail. They are going to fail. It’s an unavoidable fact. And we, as parents, have to be ok with that.
As a parent to two hockey players with very different mentalities when it comes to the game, I have found that my number one role is to always be their biggest cheerleader. Whether they mess up or score the winning goal, when they look to me in the stands I am going to give them a big smile and thumbs up to let them know they are doing great.
When they leave the locker room, I tell them they did great. If they bring up something they aren’t happy with, I counter with what they did well, while reminding them they tried their hardest and gave their all and I couldn’t be prouder.
And Their In-Car Counselor
While I have tried really hard to instill a healthy mindset when it comes to competing, there are still times when my own players can’t let the game go by the time we are in the car headed home. I can usually tell when the car ride is going to be more therapy session than karaoke session just by the way they leave the rink.
On car rides like this I find it best to just let them vent. Don’t comment or argue, just let them get it all out of their system. Often just having a sympathetic ear to dump all their feelings on is enough to help them move on. Maybe even a ‘How does that make you fee?’ thrown in.
Personally, I don’t like to step in unless they start moving in the direction of criticizing other players, coaches, or the referees. I remind them that blaming others may make us feel good in the moment, but we can only control our own actions and we are all just trying our best.
Offer Suggestions, But Never Criticisms
Once they are done venting some kids are very good at being self-aware and working through what they think their next steps should be. Other kids may need some gentle suggestions as to what could help them avoid the same events from happening.
This might be by asking if they feel like having access to a specific resource would be helpful. Maybe we should look and see if there is a Youtube video with tips or setting up a lesson with a coach would be good. Or what might be the immediate answer is to go and get a post-game treat.
Try not to tell them what you think they could have done better. Believe me, if it was noticeable to you it was noticeable to them. Their coach has already let them know their own critiques and you Are. Not. Their. Coach.
Suggestions, never criticisms.
I know. This is definitely something that is much easier to say than to do. I catch myself wanting to step in and fix all the problems, but I can’t. All I can do is be there for them and remind myself that I am not a player, I am not the coach, I am not the referee, I’m just a hockey parent.
